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Saturday, December 15, 2012

Loving my babies

In light of the tragedy this morning, I am closing the day with my children held a little closer to my heart.  Our bedtime hugs were a little tighter, and our kiss a bit more meaningful.  I held on to their gaze for an extra second each time they looked to me today and I allowed the blessing of their presence to be recognized.  Each moment has only one chance in history, and it deserves to be intentional.

Gavin, my chunker, it has been so incredible to observe your personality unfold, little by little.  You are such a joy.  When you smile, your whole face smiles and your body stiffens when you’re really excited.  Your mouth opens wide, bragging your shiny pink gums.  You’re discovering your voice and using it with pride.  Your squeals attract everyone in earshot and are a delight.  You’ve mastered rolling over so you flip flop back and forth constantly.  The other day we were at Grammy and Papa’s house and you rolled halfway across the living room to get to the Christmas tree.  You enjoyed yourself under it, batting at the low branches and ornaments.  Sleep is not your strong point, but I guess part of this is my fault.  I am still figuring out where I stand on sleep training so you’ve been with Mommy and Daddy at night.  I’m tired 99% of the time, but do adore watching your sweet, sleeping body at night.  The pouty lips that adorn your face melts me, almost as much as your coos of affection. You are such a chunky little guy, I’ve seriously never seen legs like yours!  I can’t believe how different you are from your sister, who is your biggest fan.

Miss Molli… where to even begin?  You’re a crazy little spitfire, loving life right now.  It’s Christmas time so we’ve been setting your foundation for holiday celebrating.  You’re very into Ella, your Elf on the Shelf, the song “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” your “guys” (fisher price little people), coloring, Christmas decorations (especially lights), snacks and blankets.  Your favorite color is orange, favorite food is probably granola bars, and you love copying people (for better or for worse).  You still adore bath time and now you get very excite when Gavin gets to join you.  You’ve been introduced to the big girl bed, but still enjoy your crib.  Lately you constantly say “let’s talk about a story” and force us to tell stories all day long.  It’s not my favorite activity, but it has provided opportunities to tell about why we celebrate Christmas, and since you NEVER forget anything, it’s been awesome to hear your rendition of Jesus’ birth story.  Carson is your best friend and I think you are in denial that he is moving soon (I might be too). The alphabet is coming along, although you typically end up spouting off any letters or numbers you can remember.  You usually know to say the letters of your name, but you said your letters out loud as I wrote it once, “M, O, L, L, llittle L, polka-dot.” You have more personality than I’ve ever seen in a child.  There truly is never a dull moment when you’re around.  Two year old you has been stretching my patience as well as my emotional and physical endurance.  The brunt of potty training is under our belt, thank goodness.  I’m positive this list could go on and on.

I am blessed to have you both and I promise that I will do my best to love, protect and guide you through life.  I can’t control what happens in this world, and that terrifies me.  As your mommy, I want to keep you safe in my arms and never let anything happen to you.  I also want you to live and have fantastic experiences.  I hope the balance finds us. 

I am deeply sorry for the families involved in the shooting in Connecticut this morning.  My heart aches as I try to fathom such loss and incredible grief.  While my grief does not change anything for these people, it ignites a passion inside of me to absorb the memories with my precious babies and hold them securely.  I know better than to take them for granted, but days like this fill my eyes with tears for those hurting and for the fullness I have.  Eighteen families sent their kindergarteners, their babies, off to school this morning and do not have them tuck in tonight. My heart breaks…