Growing up

The thing about kids is that they grow up.  Each new stage a confusing dichotomy of excitement and grief.  I know all you mommas out there can understand! Every new skill, a wonderful thing that we praise them for, but also a kiss goodbye to the child from yesterday. Each much anticipated birthday an admission of time passing.  We know the time goes fast because that's what every stranger in the grocery store tells us.  But, my goodness, how can it be possible that I have a kindergartner? For that matter, how can I have a three year old and a NINE month old? Nine months is almost a year and that means walking, learning to talk and destroy things.  One year also means baby weight transfers to real weight so I have my work cut out for me. Maybe if I squeeze the baby tighter time will slow down? It hasn't worked yet.

Molli has caught on to my not so subtle vibe that I'm not ready for her to be a big kid.  So much so that she's declared that this will be hear last real birthday.  From now on they will be pretend birthdays. That means, she will turn five and stop changing ages but will still get a party each year.  I approved instantly. Yes, let's do that so you will always fit on my lap and want me to read books to you.  You will stay a gangly wild child who wants to run around in bizarre clothing options make believing and bossing, then make cookies. You will always accept that I know everything, the car has wings that come out when kids sleep and that it is whatever time I say it is.  Stay my little princess monkey butt, baby girl.

Unfortunately, you and I both know how that works.  Kids grow up and with that they do new and exciting things.  Molli's kindergarten teacher came for a home visit before school started and in one of the papers she left for me to look over was this suggestion to prepare Molli for school:

Have frequent open and positive conversations about kindergarten.  Don't show regret to your child about "how old they are getting" and "can't believe" but state it in a positive manner.

My bad... clearly I failed at that part!  That evening I began making an effort to talk about all the positive, exciting and wonderful things coming up for her even though I cried a little inside.  At that point I realized  two things that I can never, ever forget.

1) It's not about me! From the moment her life was even a conversation between Myles and me, my wants and desires became second.  My life stopped being all about me and became something so much more beautiful and satisfying.

2) What a honor it is to age and watch my children do so! This might come across a little bit morbid, but truthfully, if I learned anything this summer, it is that life is so terribly fragile and something to rejoice over. Not everyone is granted full or long lives.  My nephew, Jude, weaves his way into my thoughts anytime I feel sad about my kids to stop growing up.  We are designed for life! We are designed to move forward and progress.  To wish that away is to wish away life and that is incredibly selfish (see #1).

So yes, my little girl started kindergarten and it's emotionally conflicting for a momma's heart.  But on this day, I am soaking up the relationship I have with her, knowing that she will keep growing and everything will continue to change, grow and advance.  I can celebrate in her growing up because despite the things I will miss about her being little, one day I will travel with her, go on roller coasters, teach her to drive and plan her wedding with her. Our relationship will definitely change, but I look forward to all the incredible experiences we will one day have.  I am finding joy in the new experiences she is getting and hope that this will continue to be my mindset as each of my babies grow into older versions of themselves.  What a blessing and honor it is to be a mom and to be trusted with these amazing people.

(The girl who started school)

(The boy who turned three)

(The one who outgrew his carseat) 

Lots of new things!

It’s long overdue for a real and thorough update.  But let’s be honest, that’s not going to happen. Therefore, I’ll update, but it’ll be sporadic and probably brief. 

Baby number three is due in 7.5 weeks and we’ve done almost nothing to get ready for him/her.  Actually, that’s not entirely true, we bought paint for the nursery (once we finally get Gavin out of it!), I bought material to make curtains AND we stepped up our status as parents and bought a van! I can hear the snickering from here and I must confess, I once would have agreed that vans are not cool.They are mom-mobiles.  And you know what?  You’re partly right, they are mom-mobiles but they are very, very cool.  Especially mine.  It’s so wonderful! From the automatic sliding doors to the one million cup holders.  I can literally drive with 7 drinks in arms reach at any given time.  Toyota cares about my hydration, yo.  It has bells and whistles, some of which make me laugh, but some I’m just giddy about.  I’ve been welcomed to the swagger wagon club, now when do the parties start?!

Speaking of parties, Molli turned four last month.  Sometimes I’m still in shock that she’s already so old, but then other times I’m weirded out by her maturity and the conversations she initiates.  On Monday we picked her up from school and like usual, I quizzed her about her day, what she learned, who she played with etc. and she very casually told Myles and me that she spent recess hugging and kissing Ben.  On the mouth, she said! Heaven help me.  I tried not to make a big thing of it but we had a couple conversations about how kissing is ok with families, but not something we should really do at school. I also added a dose of practicality and explained that kissing spreads germs.  It must have been sufficient because on Wednesday she told Ben that they can’t kiss anymore.  Phew, bullet dodged! In her defense, Ben really is a sweet and cute boy and her teacher said they’ve held hands through story time before. I guess when you’re the only girl in the class, you have the pick of the litter.

(Everyone got into dressing up for the party!)

(The other little girl moved since this picture of Molli's preschool class was taken.  Ben is the little boy in the back row in the black sweatshirt)

Gavin is becoming quite the big boy too.  We experimented with potty training recently, and while it wasn't a complete disaster/failure, I certainly wouldn't call it a success.  He looks awfully cute in underwear though! The kid is exhausting me with his constant chatter!  I think he is taking after his cousin Jackson with the constant commentary.  The only difference is that his vocabulary isn't especially vast yet so he has to piece things together in a way that is very toddlerish and adorable.  Well, adorable except for the part that he repeats, repeats, repeats himself until he's acknowledged. 

About a month ago, Myles dad and step-mom came up to visit from Florida.  It was really nice seeing them and boy did they get put to work!  We had a leak situation in the kitchen, requiring us to replace our flooring.  We figured if we were going to replace the damaged parts, lets go all out and make it what we really want.  So we did.  We (please note that I use the term “we” very loosely) replaced the entire downstairs flooring with a lovely dark wood look, but the walls were too dark for dark floors so the downstairs got repainted- walls, ceiling and baseboards, then while the toilet was out for the new floors, we went ahead and replaced it and upgraded the counter, sink and fixtures.  We replaced the ugly light fixtures in the living-room and the kitchen AND decided to go ahead and upgrade the kitchen appliances!  My downstairs is so beautiful!  Poor Marc and Suzette were worked to the bone everyday.  Aint no rest for the weary! If they ever thought they’d escape the work, they were immediately conned into playing store, fashion show, dinosaurs, cars, dance party, dress up, or whatever the imaginations of my children could muster up.  These kids have their Papu and Nanette wrapped around their little fingers. I’m pretty sure they’d admit that an air mattress in the middle of a playroom never felt so good at the end of the day!

(I got this picnic table at a yard sale this summer.  It came in very handy while the inside of our house was turned upside down being remodeled! I also managed to let go of my OCD long enough to let the kids water color and ruin everything... paint mixing is not something I handle very well!)

I had the pleasure of participating in the women’s retreat through our church last weekend.  It was so refreshing to get out and be among women, and filling my mind with truth.  I don’t get out much, but when I do, it’s typically pretty mindless.  Occasionally I’ll manage to go grocery shopping solo, but it’s been years since I’ve gone somewhere with an intentional focus on spiritual growth.  The retreat started the day after Myles got home from a 2.5 week hitch on the slope and sleep is increasingly important to me so I opted not to spend the night, but I hope that one day I’ll be able to.  The church family I’m a part of has some really fantastic ladies that I’d love to get to know more deeply. While I absolutely value relationships, it seems like it takes me a long time to really be friends with people, and I’d like more of that going on in my life. (Not that I’m lonely, I just believe that everyone has much to offer and I want in on that!) It was a nice time of reflection and insight.

(Does it get any prettier than this?!)

For the most part life is good these days!  It’s turning into winter around here and I’m not quite excited about that. I can handle fall with the changing leaves, pumpkin muffins and whatnot, but beyond that it bums me out a little.  Icy roads, gray skies and darkness are rapidly approaching and I just don’t think I’m ready! For now though, I’ll enjoy the changing seasons and embrace all the upcoming changes in my life.  A new member of the family deserves my attention and excitement.  So this year, I’ll smile as the snow begins to make appearances and snuggle up with my growing family in this beautiful, cozy new house of mine.  God is good!

PS, Molli is playing outside with Myles and she just knocked on the door to tell me it's snowing.  Bummer!