Molli's growing up!

We've reached a milestone.  Molli is officially in all-day kindergarten at public school.  We've been part of a sweet little private school family for the past couple years and have grown very attached, so it was a big deal to send her off to her new school.  Where there are FOUR kindergarten classes.  Where she will be all day.  Where she will eat lunch. Where she will make new friends whose families are strangers to me. Where I can't just text her teacher and check on her if I feel like it.  It's a little bit of a doozy as a mom to absorb all these changes! I'm not one to breakdown crying about things like this, and I haven't cried, rather I've been floating somewhere between mourning and accepting the passing of her earliest childhood and placing one foot in front of the other as we venture into the great unknown of being a school-kid. I'm still embracing the little kid in her too as I'm still not correcting some of the weird little kid things she says.  Her teacher will be so confused the first time she tells her her nose is "hogged" (clogged, but it's hogged to her!) or any number of little Molli-isms that are worth it to me to keep around for a bit longer!

The Friday before school started Molli went camping with her brother, dad and some family friends.  It was a great time for them, although as I was at home with Baylor I couldn't help but worry about them because, you know, I'm Mom.  More specifically I'm Erin. My little rule breaker couldn't even handle the one rule I set for her for that weekend.  I NEEDED her to stay little for a bit longer and she decided to go on ahead and grow up without me! And by that I mean she chomped into a s'more and her wiggly tooth came out. She didn't realize it at first and spit it out without thinking much of it. Good thing my friend was there!  She's also a mom and knew that the little tooth (which, once upon a time, my baby painstakingly cut through her sweet gums!) needed to be rescued.  It took a team and some flashlights, but the camping gods or the tooth fairy or someone had mercy and it was found! Alas, my baby girl became a big kindergartner with a missing tooth all at once. I'm embracing the hole in the smile though because those big permanent teeth don't have room in there!

So wiggly-- eew!

Translation: The tooth is hidden in an owl. Bring it to mom's room. Back door.

What it means: I made her an owl shaped tooth fairy pillow to put her lost teeth in that hangs on the back of the door.  Thus, the tooth is hidden in an owl.  Back door.  She wanted the tooth fairy to give me the tooth and not take it away.

Reward for a lost tooth!

This big girl has been embracing these new grown up things and is adapting very well.  It sounds like she is making friends at school and is enjoying it so far.  She's gotten up every morning on her own at 6:30 (well, with her alarm clock) and hasn't complained once.  She's even going to bed at night without issue so lets give a big shout out to full day kindergarten for making a dent in a life-long area of struggle!  In the mornings her clock changes from blue to yellow and plays the music to "If You're Happy and You Know It" and I know she wakes up to it because I hear her shout "AMEN!" most mornings at that part of the song.  It's adorable (and saves me a trip to her room to make sure she's up).

We've left on time for school everyday so far, even in time to go out for recess before school (which she loves). On the first day of school I began doing a short devotion with the kids in the morning. We leave for school early and do it in the parking lot.  This ensures a few things 1) We get a parking spot 2) we start our day with our hearts and mind in a wholesome place 3) we don't part ways in a rush.  All of these things have been good for us, I think.  It's nice doing it in the car too because most of the time the kids are still buckled and sitting down so there's not a ton of distractions.

All in all, I think things are going very well.  She's still my princess monkey bottom, and doesn't mind that I still need her to be little sometimes.  When I tuck her in at night she asks me to turn on her ballet music (classical) even though she is fully capable and always requests that I snuggle with her and hang out a while.  I oblige as often as I can, knowing that it's precious time with her and that she won't ask for that forever.  I love her so much and I'm very proud of the person she is becoming!

Long days, short years

For the past several weeks our family groove has been thrown off and we are finding a new one in the chaos.  Myles has been working very long hours everyday and it’s put a kink in the normal way of life for me.  The office where he works is right next to Molli’s school so he had taken on the task of bringing Molli to school when he headed to work in the morning and picked her up at noon when she got out and he had a lunch break.  Not a bad setup for me!  Lately though, his long hours have him long gone by the time the kids get up and he comes home just in time for a quick story and a kiss goodnight.  It’s been a lot on my shoulders to maintain some sort of normal life with all the kids and maintaining the household.  I’m not doing amazing, but we are surviving.  Mostly, at least.  

Throwing us off kilter even more is the wrapping up of the school year, soccer and dance.  We finished soccer season (with a roaring hallelujah) and just brushed off the sparkles leftover from the end of this semester of dance.  These extra curricular activities are great fun but I’m not sad to say goodbye to some of the scheduling headaches. This week alone Molli had a field trip on Monday and on Tuesday, dance class on Wednesday, dance rehearsal on Thursday morning (during school) and a recital Thursday evening then the last day of school on Friday. All good things, but it’s like boom, boom, boom, one thing after the other.  Plus babysitters and nap schedules.

Today was the last day of school and I showed up for the tail end of the closing service with an all too eager three and a half year old and a toddler sound asleep on my shoulder (again with the scheduling/nap difficulty).  Molli was among the crowd of students and families somewhere and I got to thinking that this was her final hour at the school she has attended for the last two and a half years.  These walls have seen her through some of the most precious years of her life, and certainly have left an impression on her little heart.  Just as I was thinking all this, the group recited a prayer of thanks together and I got choked up realizing the value of what I was witnessing.  Communal prayer is beautiful, especially from the mouths of these young kids who are together each day learning about Jesus.  They are receiving an academic education, but more importantly, they are being filled with the Word and are being influenced by some incredible adults who love the Lord.  What an incredible blessing and honor it has been to be a part of such an institution.  Even at the tender age of five, Molli seems to have a greater understanding of spiritual concepts than many adults I know.  

She will be going to a public school for a full day next year and I am a more than a little bit heartbroken.  I have nothing against public schooling, at all, but it is scary to imagine sending a little piece of my heart into the world where things will be different. For the first time, she will be in an environment where those around her will not necessarily have love for Christ as their guide. There will be people who don’t know or care about Jesus, and that will be an eye-opener for her. Almost nobody in this great big school will know her and she will have to make a start for herself, without me present.  It’s important for her to spread her wings and have these fresh experiences, but man, it’s tough knowing where she’s coming from.  I am already praying for her future classmates and teachers, that she will be placed among people who will be beneficial for her.  I want her to build relationships with safe, Godly people.  There is no sense in pretending that I can protect her forever, but I sure hope that we are doing a good job at home instilling in her all the good things I want for her, because the most important components, she won’t receive at school any longer.  Her teachers will not tell her that Jesus created her perfectly when she messes up, or guided to pray for others who are hurting.  She won’t receive the life-giving words of scripture at school or pray as a group before snack time. This really increases the importance of my job as her mom. I will pray hard for her new teacher, just as I have prayed for those teaching her the past couple years. 

We have been blessed with the most incredible teachers at Grace Lutheran.  They’ve made their way into our hearts and I know Molli will miss them tremendously next year.  Thankfully, Gavin will be starting preschool in the fall so they will remain a solid part of our family. Gav is SO excited to be in Mrs. Hinz’s class!  He is already very comfortable at the school and makes himself right at home in her classroom, for better or worse.  It seems that he already loves her just as much as Molli does! As much as Molli has learned in these preschool and kindergarten classes, I am interested to see what Gavin will be like when he’s moving on to the big public school with Molli.  I hope that his experience at the school is similar to Molli’s and that he grows similarly to her.  I just cannot believe my babies are already at this stage of life.  

As hard as the days have been lately, I’m trying my best to treasure these kids.  They are living proof that they grow up right in front of my eyes and I hardly notice it.  The constant too-small clothes should be a sign that they’re growing, but I don’t see it clearly until I take a step back and reflect.  Reflection makes me emotional. I know one day, not long from now, I’ll be amazed at how little she was today.  She seems like such a big girl, but she’s still little, I just won’t know it until later. As I’ve been told a hundred times, “the days are long, but the years are short.” 

(Wasn't this like a week ago?)

Growing up

The thing about kids is that they grow up.  Each new stage a confusing dichotomy of excitement and grief.  I know all you mommas out there can understand! Every new skill, a wonderful thing that we praise them for, but also a kiss goodbye to the child from yesterday. Each much anticipated birthday an admission of time passing.  We know the time goes fast because that's what every stranger in the grocery store tells us.  But, my goodness, how can it be possible that I have a kindergartner? For that matter, how can I have a three year old and a NINE month old? Nine months is almost a year and that means walking, learning to talk and destroy things.  One year also means baby weight transfers to real weight so I have my work cut out for me. Maybe if I squeeze the baby tighter time will slow down? It hasn't worked yet.

Molli has caught on to my not so subtle vibe that I'm not ready for her to be a big kid.  So much so that she's declared that this will be hear last real birthday.  From now on they will be pretend birthdays. That means, she will turn five and stop changing ages but will still get a party each year.  I approved instantly. Yes, let's do that so you will always fit on my lap and want me to read books to you.  You will stay a gangly wild child who wants to run around in bizarre clothing options make believing and bossing, then make cookies. You will always accept that I know everything, the car has wings that come out when kids sleep and that it is whatever time I say it is.  Stay my little princess monkey butt, baby girl.

Unfortunately, you and I both know how that works.  Kids grow up and with that they do new and exciting things.  Molli's kindergarten teacher came for a home visit before school started and in one of the papers she left for me to look over was this suggestion to prepare Molli for school:

Have frequent open and positive conversations about kindergarten.  Don't show regret to your child about "how old they are getting" and "can't believe" but state it in a positive manner.

My bad... clearly I failed at that part!  That evening I began making an effort to talk about all the positive, exciting and wonderful things coming up for her even though I cried a little inside.  At that point I realized  two things that I can never, ever forget.

1) It's not about me! From the moment her life was even a conversation between Myles and me, my wants and desires became second.  My life stopped being all about me and became something so much more beautiful and satisfying.

2) What a honor it is to age and watch my children do so! This might come across a little bit morbid, but truthfully, if I learned anything this summer, it is that life is so terribly fragile and something to rejoice over. Not everyone is granted full or long lives.  My nephew, Jude, weaves his way into my thoughts anytime I feel sad about my kids to stop growing up.  We are designed for life! We are designed to move forward and progress.  To wish that away is to wish away life and that is incredibly selfish (see #1).

So yes, my little girl started kindergarten and it's emotionally conflicting for a momma's heart.  But on this day, I am soaking up the relationship I have with her, knowing that she will keep growing and everything will continue to change, grow and advance.  I can celebrate in her growing up because despite the things I will miss about her being little, one day I will travel with her, go on roller coasters, teach her to drive and plan her wedding with her. Our relationship will definitely change, but I look forward to all the incredible experiences we will one day have.  I am finding joy in the new experiences she is getting and hope that this will continue to be my mindset as each of my babies grow into older versions of themselves.  What a blessing and honor it is to be a mom and to be trusted with these amazing people.

(The girl who started school)

(The boy who turned three)

(The one who outgrew his carseat)