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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love.

This is where the magic happens.  From the first day we brought Molli home from the hospital, through today, we have shared lots of special moments right in this spot.  Between the treasured framed pieces on the wall and the dresser full of Grammy’s provision, and right underneath the stuffed animals picked out and made specially for our girl is the magical throne of special things.  We knew before Molli was even born that we’d need a comfortable chair to facilitate lots of bonding moments.  Here we nursed, rocked, read, sang and sometimes even slept.  This chair has been the go-to spot for so many special moments for our family.   

A couple days after we came home from the hospital I sat in this chair, nursing Molli while Myles read a book to her.  He read “Just in Case You Ever Wonder,” By Max Lucado.  Basically, the combination of a tear-jerker book being read by a sweet husband/ new daddy, post-pregnancy hormones and rocking in this chair holding the world in my arms, made for one of my most incredibly vivid memories. 

At the risk of copyright infringement, I’m going to share part of that book with you:

…The same hands that made the stars made you.
The same hands that made canyons made you.
The same hands that made trees and the moon and the sun made you.
That’s why you are so special.  God made you. 

But as you grow and change,
Some things will stay the same.
I’ll always love you
I’ll always hug you
I’ll always be on your side.
And I want you to know that…
Just in case you ever wonder

Most of all, I’ll teach you about God.
He loves you.
He protects you.

He and his angels always watch over you...

Which leads me to the magic of today!  We sit in this chair and do all these wonderful things, including reading Molli’s Bible.  When we sit there around nap or bedtime, she reaches up and points to her Bible saying, “Buh? Buh? Buh?” (Book) and gets so excited when I pull her Bible down to read it to her. 

Her Bible lives in this cute little nook shelf... and she knows it. 

We don’t read much at a time, sometimes not even a whole story.  I read until she gets too grabby or bored.  I hope she will always love and get excited about me reading her Bible stories. Keeping it at a length she desires is one way I hope to maintain her excitement. 

At the end of the story after her nap, I peeked ahead and saw that next story in line is Jesus’ arrival!  This is very exciting!  I know she doesn’t realize the importance of it all, but I hope that as we plant this good seed in her it will grow and she will take root in Jesus’ never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love. 

Monday, October 24, 2011

It’s funny how over time we forget to revel in simple pleasures.  Or worse, the simple things become a task, an everyday occurrence that somehow loses importance. 

This afternoon Molli was being a crab-cake so I pulled her onto my lap and held her for a little bit.  It wasn’t long before I realized she wasn’t squirming or trying to take the ball out of my hands anymore.  She had fallen asleep on my lap, in my arms. 

Rewind a few months and you’ll see why this very sweet, most special thing had become commonplace in our household.  Each and every time Molli fell asleep it was in my arms.  Every nap, every bedtime, in my arms.  I knew it was sweet then, but I was also somewhat aggravated by it.  It required a lot for me to drop anything else and walk, sway, rock or lay with her in order for her to ever sleep and certainly limited what I could do before or during naptime.  Our house is loud so I couldn’t really even blink without immediately pulling her out of her sleeping state. If I was still, we had a much greater chance of her remaining still.  I’m SO glad to be past that now. 

So today I feel blessed that I got to have that special moment with my little, growing girl.  Every single day Myles and I look at her and ask her where our baby went.  She is looking and acting so grown up!  I know my opportunities to hold my little girl as she drifts off to sleep are limited and I hope I never take those moments for granted. 

I also want to say how incredibly happy I am to have had the opportunity to stay home with her for this year.  I know that we will never be rich, and I am aware that by having me stay home, we’ve missed out on a lot of financial successes. We’re definitely not attacking our student loans like we were when I was working.  As a general life rule, we don’t live above our means.  Subtracting my paycheck and adding all the costs of having a child has been a challenge this year.  But well beyond worth it to me. 

Thank you Myles for being the provider for our family.  I know we are not in a particularly fulfilling life situation right now, but thank you for making the best of it.  You’ve been a great dad and husband and I am so, so thankful.  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to stay home with our daughter and for making sacrifices with me in order to benefit our family the best way I can.  I love you! Also, thank you to those who have encouraged us along the way!  We really appreciate your support. 

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Momma and her big little girl

This morning there was a sweet moment between a growing little girl and her momma who was sad to see that her baby has disappeared.  This momma sat on the couch and watched as her big little girl, wearing Dora jammies with unkempt feathers of hair atop her head, took a bite of a cracker.  Her big girl teeth took bites and chewed, her big girl feet walked her around the living room until her big girl heart heard her momma sniffle. 

This momma couldn’t help but realize that her little girl is becoming more and more capable each day.  It’s a sad and exciting reality, one that will continue to grow each day and wont cease when she leaves this home.  There is a dichotomy in celebrating the new wonder that a child has become and mourning the loss of the child that never will be again.  A small sniffle, a full heart. 

This little girl was distracted by the sniffle and immediately clutched her cracker tightly and climbed curiously on her momma’s lap.  She snuggled in, seeming to know that she had a job to do.  She was her momma’s baby again, with the added sweetness of a big girl.  She offered two of her rare kisses, which melted this momma’s heart even more.  A bit of that puddle of heart slipped out of her eye and to her surprise, the little big girl wiped it off with her clumsy palm and gave her another kiss, with cracker sprinkles and all.  She topped it of with her head resting on her momma’s shoulder and both arms patting her.

Knowing that she had filled her momma up to the brim, she climbed off her lap and walked away. Delaying her exit, she glanced over her shoulder and waving she announced, “bye!” and toddled off.  And just like that, this momma imagined how many times over the next 17 years she would witness the same farewell before this special, little big girl packed up her bags, announces, “bye!” and goes off to do life out from under her momma’s roof.