Failure

I don’t know what complete parenting failure looks like, but I do know what it feels like.  We’ve had quite a day.  It started off so fantastic, I felt like super mom.  I got up early and managed to run, shower, get ready and eat breakfast before either kid woke up for the day.  It was so nice to have those things under my belt before our day as a family started.  “Me time” is hard to come by these days.  And by that, I mean, it doesn’t exist. 

We started our day together with a play date.  Molli’s best little friend came over to play, but instead of playing, she put on a beautiful performance full of drama and emotional meltdowns.  She’s generally not so emotional, but the combination of having a cold, sharing toys and being in “that stage” was the perfect setup for a whole bunch of correction, discipline and learning opportunities, if you will. 

She couldn’t handle him playing with any of her toys, especially the little people she calls her “guys.”  Molli’s guys are, without a doubt, her favorite toy and everybody’s eardrums are at risk if objectionable hands come near them.  Everything was “mine” and she made it very clear that Carson was not allowed to play with her cash register, fake ice cream, certain dinosaurs, or absolutely most definitely not her guys.  At one point I was seriously concerned for Carson’s face as I saw the intensity of her anger skyrocket up her body and out her ears.  She turned red, her eyes and mouth widened and her hands came up as though she was witnessing something deplorable and she tensed up, shaking with anger.  Eventually Carson had enough and put his shoes on, ready to leave.  I can’t say I blame him.  My blubbering daughter was not being kind or listening. 

That pretty much set the tone for the day and I can’t say I handled her attitude gracefully.  I did my best being patient with her, understanding that she doesn’t feel well but I’m pretty sure my parenting left something to be desired today.  It was one thing after another and I became the stereotypical nagging mom.  I generally do my best to structure my sentences in a positive manner; rather than saying NOT to do something, I’ll try to tell her what I DO want her to do. Unfortunately, I’m sure that many of my words were not gentle and probably exhibited the amount of patience I had left.  Rubbing salt on the wound, she did not seem to even be phased by my discipline.

Eating away at my patience even more, Gavin has been needy and a rotten sleeper.  I don’t know exactly was his deal has been but today was filled with a fair amount of crying.  As sweet as he is, crying is one sound that can grate away at anyone’s very soul.  It’s so hard to hear and no be able to fix. On top of the crying were Molli’s incessant demands, on repeat.  If you know my daughter, you understand that she has only one volume and she’s a big talker.  Noise, noise, noise! I prayed for patience with both kids all day and I just barely made it through without having a meltdown of my own.   Sigh

If my life ran on a grading scale, today I would receive a failing grade for making meals, cleaning the house, doing laundry, looking nice, creative engagement, effective discipline and being a welcoming wife to my husband.
  F

I cannot be the only weary mom, I know that, but I’m ending the day feeling worn out and unsuccessful.

I know my kids love me and want me around, no matter how badly I failed. Tomorrow is a new day, so lets hope it goes much better!