My beautiful mess

This morning did not start out the way I had intended.  Well, neither did last night.  I went to bed all wound up after a stressful evening knowing we had MOPS in the morning, which meant I had to get the ball rolling first thing. I had a whole list of responsibilities to remember and not mess up. No matter how prepared I think I am, a particularly difficult and sleepless night is always the surefire way to mess me up. Gavin was up for hours through the night upset and inconsolable unless nursing.  Let’s face it, my son is going on 15 months old and nursing will be wrapping up here sooner or later.  We are beyond the nurse all night long stage. So I camped on the couch and didn’t sleep.  (It’s a step above lying in bed annoyed that my husband can sleep through it all.)

I knew exactly how long I could stay horizontal without inflicting morning chaos on the household.  Despite the weird night, got myself ready, bags all packed and set up by the door, and breakfast made just in time to get the kids fed, dressed, and hair done.  Unfortunately, Gavin had different plans.  His plans involved a disgusting load of laundry and an impromptu bath.  Yes, he blew out in a very bad way.  I swear, these teeth need to lay off my poor boy.  They are destroying him and my gag reflex just cannot handle the toxicity of these situations much longer. Have you ever barfed on your baby?  Me neither, but I imagine it would be upsetting all around.  His unusual sleeplessness combined with my anxious noisy mind was a crummy combination. My attitude was still good, but I was in a bubble and not quite myself as we left the house.

We got to MOPS on time, and let me just say, I love this ministry.  It was refreshing to just relax, talk to people and keep my hands busy with something other than cooking/cleaning/wiping etc.  I am a table leader this year, which to me mostly means that I have the opportunity to encourage, pray for and connect with other moms in a unique way.  I did my best to push aside my fuzzy brain and just be with these ladies. Apparently, I at least partially failed because a couple people recognized “the look” and gave me hugs or words urging me to press on.  I got everything done that I needed to do, and in the end all is well.  However, it’s nap time and I’m about to bust out the headphones.  Sleep or no sleep, how about we all just stay put and have quiet.  Better yet, let’s have peace! 

The MOPS theme this year is “A Beautiful Mess.”  Could there be a better theme for any group of moms?! I think not.  I am far from the angelic pristine symbol of womanhood.  I probably fall closer to the “hot mess” end of the spectrum, but I’m mostly OK with that.   As a mom specifically, I’ve come to terms that my idea of what I should be is skewed and I am better off just being Mommy; Messy as it may be.

I do try to keep things neat around the house but really, nothing about me screams domestic diva.  Nothing even whispers it for that matter.  When I think of a beautifully domestic woman, I think of someone with a fully balanced, couponed out meal plan in a pinterest worthy frame displayed in the kitchen and strictly followed.  This is great, I’m sure these families have more than enough veggies filling their tummies and are gluten free blah blah blah. We don’t do a whole lot of perfectly balanced organic meals.  I confess.  We are no strangers of American cheese slices, peanut butter and jelly and bananas.  I’m not proud of it, but I’ve come to accept that I am not a chef.  I do not get any joy out of cooking, and probably never will.  Meat grosses me out, vegetables rot quicker than we can eat them and recipes are not fun for me to try unless I know for sure they will be loved and devoured.  For that matter, if I suspect that a recipe will dirty too many things at once, I’ll probably skip it.  Again with PJ&J, or maybe change it up a bit and make grilled cheese. 

For now, amidst the thrown together meals, cleaning and re-cleaning, dressing and re-dressing, bathing, wiping, disciplining, chasing etc, this is the most beautiful mess I’ve ever seen.  My family is incredible and I absolutely love this life of mine.  I am not perfect, and neither is my family.  We are just as in need of grace as anyone else, but man, these guys rock.  Myles has been a wonderful provider for our family and I am so thankful to have him alongside me.  I have much to be grateful for and my prayer is that my gratefulness will far surpass my ridiculous notions to be great in a way that has no eternal value.  It's about love, and I sure have a lot of it!