Talking about loss

Lately I have been learning of more and more mommy friends of mine who have lost their precious babies through miscarriage.  Maybe I am more sensitive to the topic now because I have had the joy of watching my daughter grow, and presently have a new little one growing inside me.  I hope that no one reads this and is put off by my words, or believes that I have no business writing on the topic, but I want to express some heartfelt thoughts. 

Loss is loss.  I can’t think of anything worse.  The thought of losing a child is unbearable and almost unthinkable.  When I try to imagine the grief, my mind literally will not go there.  It’s like there’s an innate barrier that forbids my imagination to come up with the connections to make such imagining possible.  To experience a positive pregnancy test, the excitement and anticipation of wondering what the child will look like, act like and one day become is an incomparable joy.  Anyone who has ever had the truth run through her mind, “I am pregnant.” will surely relate to the myriad of accompanied emotions.  Happiness? Yes!  A stew of hope, anxiety, love, pride, panic, excitement, awe etc. mix within the heart as the new information is processed. 

I have never personally experienced a miscarriage, but with my limited experiences of seeing people through such times, and my incredibly small capacity to concoct such a devastating scenario in my mind, the emotional assault is almost overwhelming.  The alarm, fear, anger, sorrow and the pure hatred of the matter replaces all of the once positive emotions.  The sense of powerlessness and sadness is so legitimately present, even in just my imagined scenario- I can’t begin to comprehend the intensity of real life loss. 

For any of you who have experienced such loss, I am so sorry.  I know, primarily based on your transparency that such loss is deep, real, and often overlooked.  It makes me sad to know that many of my friends have gone through this pain, right next to me, and I never knew until after the fact.  (I understand that it’s a very private matter, and everyone will process their grief in the way they feel is best.)  I hate that so many people are going through this and no one knows how to respond.  I just want each of you to know that your babies are not forgotten, are special and will always hold an irreplaceable place in this world.  Without even having breathed a breath of air, they have changed lives.

A friend of mine said that knowing that her sweet baby will never have to know the pain of this world, comforts her.  It is a beautiful notion to consider the truth in that statement.  Every parent wants to protect their child from hurt, and these angel babies are exempt from that.  While there is little rejoicing in loss, perhaps rejoice in that fact.

For those of you who, like me, have not been touched directly by such tragedy, I hope you take the opportunity to appreciate each moment with your child.  Every breath, every tear, every hope, frustration, giggle and fit are part of what makes your child yours.  Please don’t take for granted the opportunity you’ve been blessed with to know and love this little person.