I had the opportunity to spend some time with a good friend of mine the other day.  She is also a stay at home mom and we share some of the same feelings about it.  It is the joy of my heart to be home with and raise Molli, the best way I know how.  It's a fun, rewarding and extremely sentimental job, but it's also the hardest job I've ever had.  It's less intense pressure than other jobs I've had and I do not have deadlines and people expecting too much from me.  It's more complicated than that.  I have my own expectations to live up to now.

I get to be mommy, but I still have to keep up with all the housework.  It's like a juggling act.  Run downstairs and start laundry, just in time to come back up to Molli crying because I walked out of the room.  The moment she sees me her arms go straight into "pick me up" position and her crying lessens. It's sweet, but also sad and makes it hard to accomplish anything.  There is an expectation for me to stay caught up on all the chores, but I have not mastered how to do this. 

I think anyone would tell you that caring for a baby is hard work.  Molli definitely raises the bar on the words "hard work." She is full of life and personality, but with that also comes temper, short attention span and constantly wanting to be held. Bouts of crying can last a ridiculously long time, but are so easily remedied by simply picking her up.  It's tiring to figure how best to deal with it.  I don't want her to be one of those babies who has to be held all the time, but no one likes to listen to crying.  Also, factor in teething discomfort and join in the internal battle with me. 

Caring for a baby is a full time job and I've recently discovered what is so difficult for me.  I don't have a break.  My day starts bright and early and I do the baby thing and the household chores thing all day. Then Myles comes home, which helps, but I'm definitely not off the hook.  Then comes bedtime and I'm essentially on call all night.  Before I know it, Molli decides it's morning already and I'm still tired, the house is still not clean and the list just grows. My days just spiral into one another with no break.  I used to break it by going to the gym but that got in the way of the few hours Myles and I have together everyday.  It's hard.

I know it would be hard to work outside the home, in terms of planning and whatnot, but I also think it would be easier emotionally. Everyone needs a break, even if it's from one form of work to another.

I can't wait for the weather to warm up.  I need to leave the house more often.  I don't really have anywhere to go but sans car, a walk would be nice.

*note: I'm not complaining, just sorting through some of the difficulties I'm struggling with.*